'Introducing the RROD'

One day in Salisbury a young woman sat at a school computer bored because the internet wasn’t working. She probably should have been doing her Physics homework but instead she began to write a story...and then suddenly the computer suddenly opened up and pulled her into a world where she was known as...Pippin. I guess that not all of you will know who Pippin is but some of you will. She is the online incarnation of that self same young woman on one particular Harry Potter board. So here she was pulled into the world of that message board and so she suddenly found she was sat in the Ravenclaw common room as she, on the message board, was a Ravenclaw. Now she sat stone still for a moment and stared around. The common room was empty for some reason and Pippin decided to find out why and left outwards into the library. Now for some reason Pippin had also transformed into the correct robes for Ravenclaw at Hogwarts so the librarian peered up to see what appeared to be one of the NEWT students wandering by. It appeared that everyone was in lessons so Pippin poked around Hogwarts stumbling randomly across the Random Room Of Doom...which is where she was meant to be...anyway for some reason she was in the Random Room Of Doom too. The RROD decided to start by giving her a bag of herbs parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme and a bit of mint.  Pippin peered in the bag curiously and then set off down the only road seemingly there which was made of bricks and was yellow. Pippin resisted the temptation to sing anything from the Wizard of Oz. She rather failed. Then a TERRIBLE THING HAPPENED while she was happily wandering down the road singing her heart out as she likes to do. A bunch of random villager people ran her way screaming “THE PAPERCLIP IS HERE!!!!!!! RUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!! THE PAPERCLIP OF DOOOOOOOM IS HERE!!!!!!!” Pippin stared down the road and saw a strange sight – a bunch of large paperclips – about half her height – running down the road and a six foot paperclip stood in the middle. Now Pippin, remember, was a student of Hogwarts so she had a wand. Now a strange thing happened when she went to use it – she heard the giant paperclips yelling “All hail the murderous paperclip. Here to murder us all!” Pippin decided she didn’t like the sound of this and blasted the paperclips to pieces with  her wand. The Paperclip of Doom turned and ran as fast as he could away from her with his few remaining followers. Pippin continued down the yellow brick road where she heard and saw some very strange things. She appeared to be nearing the end of the yellow bit when she heard some one yelling, “I DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU TO THE PITS OF...Jacinda’s bathroom.” Pippin peered in the direction of what now seemed like a pitched battle recognising the name ‘Jacinda’ and thinking it very strange that someone should be damning someone else to her bathroom. She could hear the first voice loud and clear but couldn’t quite catch what the second was saying “Why Jacinda’s bathroom?” came the loud first voice “Well, because.” Pippin had been wondering that. “Why because? Well, because.” At this, Pippin made a face and thought that a dreadfully adequate explanation. “HOW DARE YOU ASK AGAIN! I SAID, BECAUSE!!!!!!” Pippin decided not to hang around any more and moved on. The last thing she heard of that one was “Okay. I’m calm. I’m calm.” It was at this point that our little thingamajig came to the river and got into a random boat that just happened to be there...but a scary thing happened as reached the other side...from NOWHERE SCARY music started playing and Pippin suddenly found herself pelted with cheese. Now scary music appearing from nowhere and being pelted with cheese by apparently nothing was quite scary to an imaginative girl like Pippin so she cowered as best she could in the boat. She peered out just in time to see Galadriel fly in and say to the entire vicinity it appeared “Would you like some cheese?” she flew out and suddenly everything to returned to normal. Except that Pippin now had some cheese in a basket. Now our Pippin had hardly gone any further when flying music played and mushrooms floated down around her. Now for some reason Pippin found this quite frightening too and froze. She unfroze however when Pippin – and by this I mean the hobbit from Lord of the Rings – flew in and asked the area, looking quite amusing dangling there especially after the Galadriel incident of a minute before, “Would you like some mushrooms?” The flying music stopped leaving behind a very happy Pippin – our Pippin that is – with some mushrooms in her basket along with the cheese. So now our Pippin had herbs, cheese and mushrooms. She wandered along the now blue brick road some more and heard chanting to the side “Parsley! Sage! Rosemary! Thyme! What do you get? A HERB POT!” Pippin grinned and hurried on inventing to herself “Who’s Herb Pot? Harry’s long lost cousin! Harry Who? Harry What? Who is this Harry Pot? Harry Potter you sill dope! Of fame (and infamy) of enormous scope! Harry Potter the boy who lived! Harry Potter who would not croak!” At this point Pippin decided to write an enormous poem – but that as they say is another fan fiction. She decided she torture the rest of the messageboard Hogwarts with it. She cackled to herself “Torture, Pan and *BAD POETRYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!*. Terrible, awful, crap rhyming poetry! Percy would like it. *_*” Here Pippin referred to the power-mad Percy used by the mad Internet user Hikaness in her fiction “A Very Unoriginal Idea”.  Hurrying on Pippin stopped to watch some horses then wandered on yelling under her breath “Deeeeeeeeeath!! Death! Death! Death! Death!” She then decided to stop being a Rohirrim at that point. GO ROHAN! At this point she came across a Rodeo called Rodeohan. It appeared to contain Rodeo Rohirrim from the Rodeo Rohan Rodeo Troop. They yelled “Yeehah!” a lot and there motto appeared to be “Rodeo Rohan Rode Restlessly Randomly Reaching Really Raunchy Rohirrim Raving Rastafarians”. It didn’t make any sense and had 11 R’s. She counted. Anyway, she counted as she passed several house elves, one weird thing hissing “My Precioussssssssssss............” several overly small humans and lots of people with pointy ears. Then she thought she caught a glimpse of someone in the red and gold of Gryffindor looking rather frustrated with their computer. Pippin saw a big sign to the side that read “JACINDA’S BATHROOM” where a group of people in the silver and green of Slytherin stood looking at it. From their movements they may have been slightly confused. Pippin was at least. Pippin decided to move on – there seemed to be a lot of screaming from that direction. Now Pippin continued into a lighting storm. Pippin didn’t like storms so she was a bit nervous now. She wasn’t so nervous when she ran across a boy in the blue and black of Ravenclaw like herself. She cheered up a bit “Hi Richard!” she said. She and Richard grouped up to see if they could find any more Ravenclaws. Storms aren’t so scary when you’re with someone anyway. Anyway they passed many things on the way. Like a crime scene with CSIs and what appeared to be a compact Las Vegas/New York/Miami city. And a World Rally Championship rally with lots of blue and yellow cars. This was all very random to the pair since they thought they were in a room in Hogwarts. The RROD. Mind you maybe that’s why it’s called the Random Room Of Doom. Now our enterprising Ravenclaw pair appeared to be nearing the end of the room. They could finally see the door! They cheered happily and their hopes were not disappointed when the door was opened by a couple of Hufflepuffs in their yellow and black. They had reached the end of the Random Room of Doom. Now what adventures would our Ravenclaws get up to next? Our gallant pair after their experience in the Random Room of Doom decided to return to their common room and flop. Richard chose a bean bag and Pippin snuggled on a chair with her legs dangling over one arm of the chair. “Phew! That was strange. Where did all THAT come from?” pondered Pippin.

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